Btw ,

since most of you guys know this URL out of my other blogs on this profile thing ? haha, well i started a new blog just click "view full profile " or whatever under the about me . ahahaha ! So just check that out . Sorry if theyre kinda short and simple but ive been busy with homework and school and trying to keep my life haha ! no time no time ! >< . But yeahhhh , get at my "tell me and ill blah blah blah" blog and im still posting blogs for my "michelletube youtube" blog too . &you guys know where to find me AIMMMMMMMMMMMMMM ! &myspace but FUCK MYSPACE get at the aim ! ;D . Okay , welll this is the last blog on this site . Sooo , yeah okay bye ! Ill try to keep you guys updated since i know alot of you guys read my blogs and i have no clue who and i deleted alot of people off my myspace haha sorrrrrry about the btw. puahaha >;) BYEEEEEEE ! NIGHT

End of summer ,

Its the last day of summer of 2009 . I woke up and laid in bed forever trying to think about what happened in these whole damn 3 months . I cant really get a clear view of everything but when i think about it i see that i have matured and changed during this summer . Met people that have impacted me &lost a couple people that were a part of me . I realized so many things this summer . I learned how to be a better person and i thought i learned how to stop caring as much but that was just me trying not to care but i did then i just lied . LMFAO . Learned the guitar and it has become a big part of me because whenever i need to get my mind off something i just need to grab the guitar . (; In the beginning of summer i saw that everyone changes by a hell of a lot . I am now able to tell whos real and whos just acting fake better than before . I am more independent and stronger but yet im still very sensitive . LMFAO . Still trying to work on that whole letting my feelings out more but im getting there . haha, but yeah . Amazing how summer passed by so fast ;O . But school is about to start soon and ima make a new blog for it . I think i blogged enough in this one ;D . haha ^^ .

Letter to the one that stuck around ,

Not being able to sleep , im up thinking about what happened and why i did what i did . I finally realized that i did treat you like shit and i always ran back to you after wards . Why ? because i knew i was wrong and you were the best . As much as i want to run back to you again , i will not because im going to save you from the pain . Im tired of fucking with your feelings . Its not like i meant to . I just want to take the time to tell you that everything you said was right about me regretting it and looking back saying that you were right about being the best . Im truly sorry that i wasnt able to see that then . Now that its too late i realize that im stupid and i dont know what the fuck im doing . I just need to get this feeling off my chest . Guilt is eating me alive . Im sorry for what happened in the past . Im sorry for breaking your heart . Im sorry for being me . Im sorry for even coming into your life . I fucked up . I shouldve done you a favor and stayed out of your life on that very month on the 11th day . It wouldve been better for you . And if i really could go back thats what i would change because looking back at it now makes me hate myself more than ever . Talking about how insensitive other people can be when i am exactly the same . Thats my problem , im too worried about getting my word out and speaking my mind about what i THINK is right and all that stuff . And im oblivious to what else is going on and how everyone else feels . But i just really wanted to take the time to tell you that this time i truly mean it and i hope you do read this . It maybe hard to believe considering all those times but really i mean it this time when i say sorry . I would give anything up just to relive one of those days of having that feeling of you tickling my heart &have it speak to me one more time , but im gonna stay away from your life and make sure i dont do anything to even get involved because itll be the best for you and i just want that because you do deserve that . You deserve the best of the best and clearly i am nothing close . But i do thank you for the memories and being able to have that feeling . I know a sorry wont make up shit but thats all i am able to do . You are amazing and im sorry for making you think otherwise . I am truly sorry .

“We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness”

:( . I know i can be stubborn . its hard for me to open up . I just dont understand why youre putting me through this . i dont know anymore . i thought i knew what i was doing . i thought i knew how everything went . i thought i knew everything , but fuck i dont know shit . :/ i dont get it . Maybe it is just me . Maybe im the one that fucks up , i mean come on what havent i messed up for myself yet ? Now i sit here wide awake .. waiting .. waiting til the sun rises .. waiting for your answer . Trying to be tough and hold back the tears but its so difficult . Someone answer me .. What am i doing ? How did i get in this position ? Why did i mess up so bad ? I need someone to be a friend and comfort me . I need to scream , cry , and let my feelings out . I need to run . Run away from all my problems and fears . I need to get lost .

Everywhere i look , i see what they have that i dont . I want to have someone who will just be there for me when im down . Someone who will give up their sleeping time and stay up with me to just make sure im a little better than just okay . Someone that would just make me feel like i am wanted and im not all that much of a fuck up . Someone that sees me as me now than of me then . Someone who understands that people do change and hes sympathetic about my feeling too . Someone who knows when i lie about being okay when im terribly depressed/bothered/etc . Someone who can show me that true love is still out there . I want something like that couple that never lets anything get in their way &if anything tries to they're able to work it out together no matter how bad things get . &i thought you just couldve possibly have been the one , but you proved me wrong .. Looking at all these couples make me jealous . I want to be able to have something like that but somehow its not possible . I wished for it to last . I wished for it to be different . I wished a little too much . I need to snap back to reality .


*Can anyone point me in the direction where i will definitely find something real .. anything at all ?

Hidden feelings ?

Well , you tell me to express mine why dont you ? You talk and act like nothing bothers you but stop lying to yourself . Everyone can see right through you . Youre not that slick . Youre pretty obvious . Im not gonna ask because you should be the one who just opens up and tells me . Im not gonna be the one who wonders and shit because its useless . Why waste time asking when i know you wont say it directly straight up or at all. Hah , theres nothing i really can say . Because if youre not gonna take the time and tell me even after ive asked you than i shouldnt care right ? Say all these negative and emo shit , but its your fault you feel this way . why dont you express yourself to them and then maybe itll be better . Instead of saying this stuff to the whole world . Get over it .

guilt ,

Same situation different position . FML , how is it possible that one person can give you so much guilt by not even saying a word to you or mentioning anything . Like it just happens . Guilty as charged . I know theres nothing i can do now cos its all over and crap but like its very difficult ima have to go on with this feeling of being so cruel and a terrible person . Damn get this fucking feeling off my chest ! I want to fix it but the way im thinking of is most definitely not going to happen because i will not let that be a possible solution . Not by me anyways .

ROFL ROFL .

What a genius song . xD I think its pretty funny and catchy . so DONT get the wrong impression lmfao . (:

Its the start of a new fairytale ,

Even tho its too soon i couldnt resist but say yes ! 081409 ; the start of our forever ! ♥ I hope this goes well (=

Butterflies are gonna eat up my tummy !

Oh my too soon to have butterflies ! >< . This is bad ! But i just cant help it . I havent really felt like this for awhile . Like its so nice to have someone there and tell you all these things and share stuff with you like he does . Im getting the butterfly feeling all the time now like is it too soon to say i like you ? I think so . :X ! But for now lets just say , its just a crush ! Two different things to me (: . I would say im interested but i think i got passed that stage already . But yes , i want to yell out to you that i have a tiny TINY CRUSH ON YOU ! >< But im going to keep that to myself because you probably dont feel the same and im too SCARED ! D; OMG OMG OMG . I feel like hyperventilating ! GAH .

♥

Lonesome ,

I feel so lonesome . :/ I miss those late night talks . I miss falling asleep on the phone with you . I miss giggling like a loser &arguing like stupid idiots . I miss those early text messages& missed calls . I miss you :[ . Gahhhhhh . How lame =( .

Wow me .

SHE IS AMAZING . (=
go watch her other videos shes very talented !!! ^^

The ending ,

Its around this time where everyone begins to crack and show their true colors . Its the feeling you get in your gut when you know its something bad . &when you hear what you need to hear its worse than you think . I honestly just dont know . Hearing these things ... wow . I dont know what to say back . I dont know how to make things better . How am i suppose to react to these type of things ? I wasnt ready . Im not prepared . Im blown away because im so shocked and lost . How i feel inside .. i cant explain , but i really do just want to cry . Because i feel the same way . I want to go back to how we were . How close we were and when we were able to call eachother best friends with no second thoughts or doubts or when we were even able to say the word best friend in the same sentence with our names . :[ Its hard to let years of friendship disappear like that. We were the best of friends .. what happen ? We seriously had the greatest memories . But we all know how you get along with everyone and you can trust more people than i am able too . Its easier for you to make friends you can really trust but for me its not that easy . Thats why i kinda always counted on you to be one of the fews . I just want to know that i can still call you my best friend and that i wont have a weird feeling when i need to talk to you . I really really miss those times more than anything . Not being able to say "hey best." its like ... hell . Weve been through so much . Its like losing a sister . :/ Ive held this feeling inside so long . &now that all of this is happening.. tears wont stop coming out >< . It sucks . Idk anymore ... :/ i just dont want this to be the end of our friendship . i miss you <|3

good feeling .

It feels good to help out :] . I love that feeling when you KNOW youve done something good. To like take off some stress of anothers life or something (: . But yeah today was fun . Hung with tina <3 . Went out to eat with the family . Ordered my color contacts . im excited to get them ! i hope i dont look like a freak with aqua eyes xD but yeahh . (:

Lose one thing and gain another ;

When you think youre so sure , everything turns around and crushes you . Im not gonna lie and say i was surprised it happen because im not surprised one bit . I had the strongest feeling that it would but i wanted to just ignore it . Now that it has happened i cant . Cant say that im really hurt like before .. because right now im not but i am hurt . I guess im so use to it , so use to being the one that gets left behind that it doesnt effect me that much . But in this situation i feel like i deserve to be the one that is left in the dust . I stepped into your life too soon, so pretty much i set myself up to be just the rebound or the one that gets left behind . Reason why i encouraged you to go back and give her that second chance . I feel like its the right thing to do because i know how much you like her and after this i probably wont ever feel like i did towards you again . Youre right it is confusing but its just part of life . Theres never a wrong or right as long as you do what you want then i will be happy for you , because i am that type of person who understands these sort of stuff . But her , i dont think shes there yet no offense but she doesnt see things they way i do . Honestly , i just want to step out right now and make it easier for you and i both, but like before but my heart wont move . I made you realize something today and you also made me realize a couple things too . I noticed that i have grown and became wiser from the last time this happened and its a good feeling . Also , i know for a fact that mentally , she will never be close to what i am and will become and you have that choice of which you'd rather choose . Maybe shes more your type . No one knows but you .

JennySuk JennySuk JennySuk ♥

OMG , i would go bisexual for this korean chick ! <3




♥♥♥♥♥



YES HOMO ! (=

Oh happy day ,

Im glad . Im happy that you told me how you felt . I am definitely thankful that youre the one who was brave enough to speak your mind about whats going on because if you didnt my head would explode . It surprised me that you noticed we have that type of special bond , i thought i was the only one that noticed . But i guess not (= . To feel this way again makes me want to run around and yell with joy because i missed this part of my past oh so much and now its BACK IN MY LIFE <3 . Oh thank god ! (; .

No one cares ,

Keep spamming that stuff on myspace and shit but no one cares . Keep telling people how emo and depressed you are but truth is no one cares . Keep being bipolar and changing your shit but NO ONE will care . So just stop spamming that stuff and crap . I mean if ANYONE even cared they would have already asked and then you could feel better after venting to them so then you will no longer have to keep telling the world about that shit when no one cares . This is why you go get a blog and whoever wants to read how emo and depressed you are theyll go read the blog . I mean if i posted all that crap i have on my blog on myspace im sure that everyone would be like "STFUUU . NO ONE CARES !" because its just the truth . -__- , so leave your lame shit for someone who cares .

Somebodys baby ,

she's probably somebody's only light
gotta shine tonight
ooh, she's gonna be somebody's baby tonight
i like the way she's makin me feel inside
i can't deny she's beautiful
she's walkin right and talkin right
this girl is so fly
she's just so unbelievable
but a girl like that would be
too far outta my league
she's gotta be someone's baby
can't be with me
oh, what i'd give to say that she was mine (all mine)
what if she's not somebody's baby give me a sign
(i'm hopeless baby, help me baby, give me a sign)
maybe i'm plain crazy
she's too good for me
she'd never be my baby
why can't i see

Hes probably somebodys only light . adfmyslkl donlysdfk plighthdfglij fbutsdgfs ryetloisjk fhesdjfhsk udoesntlmoij yknowfkjsds. :(

Devastated ,

To hear you vent to me about these things hurt me because i dont want to hear you talk about someone else . I dont want to know how they made you feel . It makes me feel like i was just one of those other girls .. I hate being just one of those girls . You say you know how i feel but honestly you have no idea . :/ I want to tell you what im feeling now .. but it wont make a difference . Its not me that you want . What am i suppose to do ? Fuck . :(

“Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.”

Judging people just by what you think they are because of the way they look is never right . Ive been there done that . Many people judge me by what they thought/heard/assumed that ive done . And yes it happens often . I admit i have a lot who hate me . Why? because they dont take the time to get to know me& understand where i am coming from . Actions ive made in the past may have been something others didnt like and they probably got the wrong impression . But really what makes you think that what i did before i was proud of or maybe i did it for a reason right ? People underestimate me . Im a very misunderstood person . No one knows why i do the things i do , unless youre a close friend . I may mistreat someone very close and dear to me but what gives you the right to tell me thats wrong ? I would only do that to make them become a better person and yes thats the way i do things . Its called tough love . You guys probably wouldnt understand unless you were raised or you see the world like i do . I am my own person . I do the things that i do that i think is right and to you it may be wrong , but i make my own choices and have my own opinions. If you have the need to call me all these names and what not then shooot . Whatever you want to call me because of what you think of me it will not hurt me . Because i know why im doing the things im doing and i do it for a certain reason . I was not raised to make everyones life miserable . My parents raised me to be the bigger person and take the lead . I shall do whatever i can to prove my point . So judging me and spreading rumors will not make me change who i am . Judge people all you want , but you will never know what lies beneath what you see . Plus , you might be missing out on something that can impact your life in a fantastic way.

rant on biters ,

Hey posers . I hate people how cant have their on originality . Its so annoying . Like helllooooooo , theres only one of me and ITS ME ! Stop trying to copy what other people do because what they do theyre best at and dont try to attempt cause YOU WILL NEVER be as good and youll just look stupid . People need to learn how to find their own personality nowadays . its so sad how many people would copy you and then act as if theyre totally legit . Oh bitch please , who do you think youre fooling . Im not stupid understand ? Dont underestimate me . Dont try to be someone you barely know . Stop biting other people and become your own person . Its alright to copy other people maybe like once or twice cause im sure everyone has before but to continuously bite off others? Really ? Thats just sad . Dont try to act like someone else so other people can like you. Thats the most idiotic thing you can do . Whoever tries to act like someone else is gay . They should not be associated to because theyre all lame and gay . YOU ARE LAME AND GAY . YES YOU . (=< Thank you for your time bitchh .


P.S. Get your OWN life faggot . -__-

i woke up and realized the people who walked out of my life arent here now because i dont need them . &the ones that are still here , i need them . i may have wanted some people to stay around but not anymore . Im happy with the people i have now (= .

sorry if that didnt make sense im super tired lmfao ^o^

Moment of happiness ,

Single moment of happiness that lasts only .. a few minutes . After its over everything completely changes and youre in a sudden phase of depression . And all you really have to say is , "F life." But not like its new to me or anything .. im use to it . :/

Close my eyes and..

let the world pass me by . Cause honestly i dont know whats what anymore . I dont know who is who anymore . Im back to were i started just farther than before because of ONE brutal individual . I dont understand how someone can be so insensitive and thats coming from a person that it pretty messed up . This situation will never be completely erased from my mind . It will always float through my skull back and forth . Which then i will never have the chance to overlook what has happened . There you have it , you completed your goal . You never wanted me to forget who you are.. and now i will never forget. So when i think of you , i'll think of you as that person that took all my trust from me and purposely pushed me to the sand, so that i can mourn about my stupidity . You did it with no guilt . Do you have ANY sympathy for what you knew you were going to put me through ? Of course you didnt . You made me look foolish . Even though , all those times before i knew, you made me feel as if i were incredible like i was doing such a good job and im such a caring person . But feeling like that can never make up for how you made me feel after the truth was discovered . Caring i was , incredible .. was all a fantasy . Disappointment . I have failed and now i have no intention of trying to help another because all you have me thinking is that i cant do it . I just dont get why.. Why would you destroy someone's self esteem like that and how do you do it?

The feeling of being a failure ... absolutely sucks .

you&i ,

i like this song and its sad :O .
but i connect with it alot ..

Moment to think ,

Okay , so i was just on someone's blog just now reading this .. and wow it totally changed my opinions about drinking and other stuff. Like wow , it really got to me . It got me to think about all this stuff . And i think you guys should take a moment of your life to read it cause it really changes things around if you were thinking the way i was before that "drinking wont hurt anyone its just for fun or to drown the sorrow away and everything would be good afterwards" definitely not . Now ima think before i say yes to someone offering me a drink or whatever. But yeah just wanted to share because its a pretty strong message .

------------ ♥

I went to a party, Mom. I remembered what you said. You told me not to drink, Mom, so I drank soda instead. I really felt proud inside, Mom, the way you said I would. I didn’t drink and drive, Mom, even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, Mom. I know you are always right. Now the party is finally ending, Mom, and everyone is driving out of sight.
As I got into my car, Mom, I knew I’d get home in one piece, because of the way you raised me – so responsible and sweet. I started to drive away, Mom, but as I pulled out into the road, the other car didn’t see me, Mom – and hit me like a load.
As I lie here on the pavement, Mom, I hear the policeman say “The other guy is drunk,” Mom, and now I’m the one who will pay. I’m lying here dying, Mom. I wish you’d get here soon. How could this happen to me, Mom? My life just burst like a balloon. There is blood all around me, Mom, and most of it is mine. I hear the medic say, Mom, I’ll “die in a short time”.
I just wanted to tell you, Mom, I swear I didn’t drink. It was the others, Mom. The others didn’t think. He was probably at the same party as I. The only difference is he drank – and I will die. Why do people drink, Mom? It can ruin your whole life. I’m feeling sharp pains now. Pains just like a knife. The guy who hit me is walking, Mom, and I don’t think it’s fair. I’m lying here dying, and all he can do is stare.
Tell my brother not to cry, Mom. Tell Daddy to be brave. And when I go to heaven, Mom, put “Daddy’s Girl” on my grave.
Someone should have told him, Mom, not to drink and drive. If only they had told him, Mom, I would still be alive. My breath is getting shorter, Mom. I’m becoming very scared. Please don’t cry for me, Mom. When I needed you, you were always there.
I have one last question, Mom, before I say “Good-bye”. I didn’t drink and drive, so why am I the one to die?

--unknown .

Familyyyy ^o^ ;

So , i have family over from cali that we barely keep in touch with , which sucks cause theyre really cool people. My auntie lani is real sweet and funny like uncle chuck but chuck is more like jokester like a little kid himself hah . Cousin tabbatha is adorable . lol (: Today was like the day we all first really bonded excluding my parents and auntie lani because she had some convention to go to . It was pretty chill. We invite peter and tina to come along :] . Went swimming , bowling , dinner , and TS . hah , tomorrow gonna be at adventuredome with them. Hah , theyre very interesting people and I LOVE IT ! >=] . Theyre staying til sunday so more bonding time ! plus more of the family from cali are coming over tomorrow so yee . (: But yeah today was pretty chillllll. :P

Rawr . Why is it the I have the feeling that I should go kill myself ? Omg . Depression in diguise ? Eff that ! Not gonna let this effect me ! I am strong . :) hah , okay bye .

Whoaaaaaa ! Just one conversation can bring back so much memories and feelings >< no no no ! I will not let this happen . Curiousity kills the cat . And I'm going to be that dead cat . Hopefully I can get that answer . Hopefully ! But other than that .. The fuck! Am I really that stupid that I wasn't able to see through your lies . :( been lied to since when !? Honestly when ! Why why why >< . I gave you all my trust and I thought that I was doing a good job I thought I was succeeding in my goal to make you a better person ! All that time and effort wasted for nothing !!!!!! Oh my , oh my . But you deserved what you got ! Karma is a bitch . I hope you're happy destorying not only yourself but someone else's hopes and faith . Someone who cared about you dearly . Fuck you I regret it ! I regret you ! And I never regret so yup I definitly never want to talk to you again . Unless it's me yelling and beatig you up but that's not gonna be even worth my time . Caause what you did was unforgivable . Make me look like an idiot ? Why thanks . Lying bastard .

Welcome to reality idiot ,

It's funny how you keep implying that I'm so mean and such an asshole . Well congratulation ! You just figured something out that everyone else already knew about ! I'ma tell you guys all once , yes I am a fucking asshole . I can be the biggest dick you can ever meet . I'm pretty fucked up if you ask me . Whooopdeedooo . Bitch stop thinking that you're so innocent yourself . There are so many things that are wrong with you . I'm only mean because it's the truth . The truth fucking hurts yeah so what toughen up and deal with it bitch . Stop being such a big baby . You want to know what fucking bothers me about you , you are so clueless . You're oblivious to everything that I say . You need to learn how to listen and stop lying so badly . You need to learn how to keep a conversation going . I feel like talking to a rock is more interesting than you . You're so dramatic . Sometimes I think you're more of a girl than I am . My gosh . There are so much more I have to say but fuck it ! Cause it's no use if I say it or write or whatever it'll go in one ear of ours and out the other .


Btw , why are guys such drama queens nowadays !?

Talking phase

Michael Carreon ;
his voice is kinda eh in this one but listen to the lyrics . =D



His music speaks to me like Aj&Gabe&etc. ♥

Boring summer days

Seem so long . Ugh ima die. It's only 4 and I feel like it's been 4678 days when it's only been a few hours . Kill me now ! ><

satisfaction ,

Amazing how cleaning can make you feel calm and satisfied . :) just got finish cleaning my room I think ima organize my closet now . I'm listening to techno and shit like that hah I'm such a loser but the melody from heaven song is like so happy and stuff (: . Can't wait to see my brother in a month ! Woooot :D okay bye :)

Once more ,

Thank you for reminding me how much of a dumbass I am cause I fuck everything up . Thanks alot because that's all a kid wants to hear from their parents . Yup.

Joyful .

People have been saying , "you seem so joyful today. Youre like all happy and smiley . why? xD" UHH IDK ! xD i just am ! teehee (: YEEEEEEE . Maybe cos the rain is like WOOT . or the boba .. or my nap . lol idk really (: BUT DOESNT MATTER ! Btw , i love my best friend chon porlas ! (: BECAUSE BECAUSE ! BECAUSEEEEEEEE , hes so open minded LOL . xD And my BEST FRIEND TINAAAA TINGTINGLE, lmfao lmfao . <3 Random but i just wanted to let the world know . :]
OKAY BYE !

A fantastic discovery,

HAS ANYONE EVER HEARD OF Isaac Lee ? OMG . i just found out about him on youtube today . ;O , whoever knew about him before me i hate you for not telling me . Hes a genius and a beast at guitar . (:



^^ , one day i hope i can play as good as he can :D !


OMGGGGGGGG AND HE PLAYS VIOLIN !? Hes like the korean version of me but BETTER MUCH BETTER!



Hes cute in this one ;D ↓ omg , im like obsessed with him right now . BUT AJ IS BETTER ! Isaac is korean so he gets a plus but not even close to aj yet ;O

Everything happens for a reason ,

Yes I believe that everything happens for a reason . I believe you did what you did yesterday because it was what was suppose to happen even tho I said i will never ever talk to you afterwards you still did idk why . If I meant so much you would have thought twice but doesn't matter because what's done is done . But I think that it's fine cause then yu can learn how to stand and deal with it on your own . If your way of dealing with that shit is smoking then you do that cause I'm not gonna be around to tell you no anymore . And honestly when you think of smoking I hope you think about me and fucking regret what happen because of your actions . But it's your life do what you want to do . Now you can listen to whatever anyone wants to say about me and not care because you don't have to worry about me like I said getting into the "big boys group" is never hard because you "big boys" are really small kids if you deal with shit by fighting. No offense . But I wish that you learn on your own how to deal with life who to trust when to date a girl and stop smoking because everytime you take one fucking puff you shorten your life . I hope you learned something from me that you can use in life . Thanks for the memories .

Btw , another good reason to no longer have you in my life is , if you were sitting in my spot and you had to find out by someone other than the person who smoked that they did it today right before seeing you. Wouldn't you be blown away I mean look you said you were gonna tell me tonight why couldn't you tell me when you saw me ! Scared I was gonna get pissed ? Hah then yu shouldn't have done it . Your second chance was already given . There are no third chances with me sorry . Sometimes I question if you lied and have done it more than the times you told me and I have the strongest feeling you have but who knows; only you right ? Doesn't matter now .

Impact ,

Hmm i feel grateful today soooo .. looking at the girl 7 years ago .. Wow . I've changed from a shy dependent scared little girl to me now . Independent confident and outgoing. I'm no longer scared . I am taking all the chances and risks I can/want. And I'm happy I'm me now but it's cause all the people I've meet in those 7 years . The first, Cindyloooo , one of the bestest friends . she's pretty much on the very top . 7 years of knowing her and being close to her. She is one of the most important/main impact of my life . Because of her I was able to get out more and experience life and get over my shy stage . She has showed me how to have fun and not care bout what anyone else thinks. She's a hella good influence . She proved to me that there is at least one person that will always a true friend from start to finish. ever since I was able to trust more . I opened up :) AnnaChen, this chick is the reason why I'm not scared to take risks and do what I want to do . Since her my life has been more exciting and interesting and we taught each other alot in those 5 years . I've meet fantastic people because of her and she's amazing . TinaTeasoyyy, this is my ride or die chick. I do everyhing with her. I love her like she's sister for real . I definetly would give up my life for her . She's been through thick and thin with me . When I need to vent and cry she's the first person that pops in my head . Because of her I am able to show my emotions more easily and not hide them inside . Without her there would be less enjoyment. My 3 guys , you guys should know who you are . From sleepovers with tina and those late movie nights , those were the days . (: even though we all don't talk much anymore you guys mean alot still . You guys .. Gosh I'm speechless . You guys impacted me so much it cannot be explained in words . You guys are most certainly family no matter what . Bryannnnnn lefty , you sir , you sometimes can be a handful of trouble but I love you . You have showed me how much of a good person I am and can be and I showed you that too . I love love having you around because you're always making me feel like there's nothing wrong being me and love that about you cos you go out of your way to make me feel better and you know i'd do that too in a meaner way tho LOL . (btw , I just think you were sleep talking on the phone teeheee.) LauraThaoo, the chick that always always has hope . You are the best . You have done show much that shows me that there is hope and sometimes it's okay to be sensitive . You're a pretty big idiot but I love it. You and me against the world. It's hard to explain how you've impacted me. Those are the mains . There are so many more people out there that has impacted me too . But yeah , I love you guys without you guys I wonder where the hell I would be. Thank you poops :) <3 I LOVE YOU GUYS . :D

Mhmm,

Thinking about it now aha how am I not surprised he left you after that second chance ahhh dude you're hella whack . Anyways this blog might not make sense cause I'm gonna probably be jumping from one thing to the next. Most girls don't know what they have until it's gone and then they're all heartbroken an shit and if they do get the guy back they still don't learn because they do what they did before to drive the guy away all over again . Girls dont learn that's why all of them can fuck themselves . -- why is that when you get the good feeling from someone and they make you like happy and shit then you gotta be like ahhh this is probably bullshit and then you want to let the feeling go and be like fuck it . Is it cause you're not ready to get back in the game ? Still scared of getting hurt ? Oh shut up bitch , you're suppose to enjoy life and be like fuck love don't need it now . And go around being a fucking dick to everyone you hook up with. Oh please like you can even do that. Because everyone has a heart they'll feel like shit after. -- so much bullshit from one person in less than a year. Amazing fucking amazing. You put your all in and you end up later on with them saying bullshit . Using you ? If I wanted to fucking use you for that one reason i'd get someone easier that didn't give me you're shit . You were so complicated to deal with if I just wanted to use you you'd be out of my life a long time ago idiot . But no you're blinded by some bullshit someone else put in your mind . Like wow amazing really . I kept you around cause I fucking wanted you around stupid bitch . Tired of you're nonsense .

Unexpected ,

Wow , it's like that paranoid feeling . Like you're so close to let someone inside an then bam something they say is like WTF and then the wall that blcks the closeness and goes up again. Like wow ! I was so close to letting him get in and then what he said was like WTF . Happiness is one thing but being happy because of lies is never good . What's going on? like is it because he likes me or is it because an easy way to get into my head and get the stuff they need. What is it -.- when all goes good something stupid happens and always ruins it . Blah, ask so much from me . What do I do ! How do I do it ! So stressful . So lost . Idk anymore . Ugh , :/.


Only good thing tonight is that my brother is coming back from Iraq in august. <3

Speechless ,

Loss of words . Wow . Blank . Gone . Careless . Senseless . Thoughtless . Zoned out. What is there to say ? Its up to you , not me .

GabeBondoc,MarkMejia&Albertposis;

-SERIOUSLY !? This guy makes it look so easy to write a song . He is genius . His songs are so unique in a way. Gabe Bondoc is pretty awesome but not as awesome as Aj (; Theyre pretty close tho. ^o^



-Mark Mejia &Albertposis ; OMG !! <3 Their voices are amazing . (: And Albert is like crazy talented ! Omg they make me speechleess when they sing but not as speechless as Aj makes me ;D . LMFAO . OH and that Paul dude , his voice is also very goood too (:



Hmm , well to me Aj is the best . But to other people may not be true (: We all have our own opinions . So dont take any of the shit i said up the butt. They all are very talented and inspirational . :] , they are worth wasting my time& making me feel like i have no life . Its okay because i wouldnt mind watching them FOREVER(;

Sudden feeling

of depression ? Im listening to a song that i guess really got to me , but i wasnt really paying attention to it . I guess it just like went through my head and i was listening but i wasnt .. get it ?

"I don't even know
I've never felt this way before
But with someone like you, it makes sense.
And I don't wanna go,
I'll stay with you forever just as long
as you love me too
just as long as you love me too.
its the way that you talk &the way you smile
and the way that you love black and white.
Baby it's the way that you hold my hand in the car
and the way that we lie in the sand,
It's not that hard to see
That a single day without you could
make me go crazy.
It takes my breath away
it gives me butterflies,
when you hold me when you sleep.
when you hold me in your sleep.
I never want to leave."

As the song plays and i listen to these words .. it brings up memories . Then i begin to think of the past , present , and future . Wow , i dont know anymore . This stuff is too confusing . Seriously ,this sucks . But whatever I'll be okay .




-- totally off subject but my brother is a freak :) I'm laying here watching him do this ab workout teehee .I honestly think this weird shit runs in the family cause now he's just doing something strange LOL . ;O

It aint fun if the homie cant get none ,

i agree with that saying . Im tired as fuck , gonnna knock out prettttty soooooon . But just wanted to post this because i want to show the world that i strongly agree with this quote "It aint fun if the homie cant get none" Ahahaaaaa &my aj rafael shirt should be here TOMORROW ! Yay . ;D Okay bye.

FUCK YOU ,

Hah , i woke up and realize ... YOURE GAY . FUCK YOU ! I mean my mind may not be with me mentally right now BUT .. i came to the conclusion that youre gay and i hate you . AND i need sleep -.- .

Other than that , i had 2 hours of sleep . Im going to shoot myself . >:[ My mind is running so much faster than my body is . Everything is like WOOOOOOOOOOO . Whoa , Im tripping out -.- . WHACKKKKKKKKK . AND I NEED TO GET READY FOR MY ORTHO APPOINTMENT . FUCKMYLIFE.

Teeheee ,

I seriously love my best friends ! <3


Original Video - More videos at TinyPic

and he's one of them <3 ILOVEYOU MATTHEW ! <3
(:

Seriously dude ,

SERIOUSLY ? You cant be fucking serious at this moment right . Youre gonna let this fucking small little problem come between us . Like dude our family is already broken up enough and youre just gonna fucking put this dumb shit in and make it even worse . YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME . Wtf is wrong with you . I try and pull this family together so we wont end up like other families . But you know what ?! FUCK IT . FUCK YOU . Im tired of being the one trying to keep things calm and shit . Im tired of doing shit , putting all my effort into one thing until its perfect and then you fucking come along and ruin it RIGHT AFTER I JUST FIXED THE STUPID SITUATION . You sir , you are fucking repulsive . =.= Do you try and irritate me anyway possible ? WOWWW . Fuck you i dont care what the fuck you think anymore . Youre idiotic , apathetic , and indecisive . UNDERSTAND ? >:[ Next time when you dont trust me and really do think im a fucking dumbass , please just fucking tell it to my face . Dont IMPLY it into our conversations . Just say it out loud and straight up . Because honestly i dont care anymore . I no longer have the need to long for your opinions . I mean why should i , morons dont know what theyre talking about right ? Im harsh i know , but i get that from you asshole. (:

havent posted a blog in like a few days ,

BUT i just wanted to post a very short random one .

I LOVE AJ RAFAEL ! <3

teeheeeeeeeee . ♥

FML .

WOW , WOW . WOOOOW . FUCKMYLIFE. My dad thinks im really stupid . Excuse me ? Thanks alot -.- Thanks dad jsut cause your birthday is tomorrow doesnt mean you have the right to put me down . Thanks for supporting me and encouraging me and calling me stupid; thinking ill post exposing ass pics of myself to show the world and let myself get raped. You encourage me to slap you because im not fucking retarded. Im smarter than most girls my age but you dont fucking realize this shit -.- Cause to you im a worthless helpless stupid girl . YOU RAISED ME TO BE MORE THAN THAT AND SO DID MY BROTHER. What the fuck , Thanks a lot& happy birthday ass -.-

&btw ; for all those other fucking time you put me down .. YOURE A BITCH. Have a heart -.-

Bakersfield , Cali ;

Yeee, just got back from cali . Yesterday , I went to a wedding it was hellla boring . Until it came to the dinner reception . Hah , now that was interesting . It was hella cute tho cos all these couples dancing and and stuff . &the bride was really pretty :D . She looked all happy (; . My brother and i stole full/half full wine bottles ;D it was pretty funny our parents were like cracking up saying "genius" >;D But yeah it was nice seeing the family . &meeting the new members . The trip was relaxing i guess (:

Someone special ?

I always thought i was someone special to him. I mean even if it was just a little bit, but guess what ? Nope, i was wrong . :[ Wasnt ever anyone special . :/ Ugh how disappointing . Even tho it might be bs and there might be a chance i was.. it still hurts to hear it come out of someones mouth . Woooow , fml . Love isnt for me . ><

SUPPORT AJ RAFAEL ! <3

Fathers day ,

since today is fathers day i wanna share one of Aj's videos that he made for fathers day last year. i think its really touching <3.


Listening to this song makes me think about how great dads are and how much they love their kids . &It makes me think about how much my dad cares even though he does things that i dislike i know he only does it cause he cares. &my dad has been through so much just to try to keep our family together and healthy. Im thankful to have a father that shows that he cares every second of the day. My dad and i have been through alot of shit . We've argued many many times and he has threatened to hit but has never because i know he loves me to much to do that . He only threatens me because thats all he can do but he would never . I remember back in cali , every time i had an asthma attack he was always the first to notice and to call 911. He stuck by my side every time i was in the hospital . &he also quit smoking for me when i was just a baby . He would work his ass off just so that my family could get by on the bills and stuff. &he has succeeded this goal. If he didnt work his ass off our family would not be living in this house& we wouldnt get things we want(even though i dont get half the things i want but its okay lol). The point is, my father loves me (: LOL, i sound like a loser but yeah. &im most thankful to have him and i LOVE him with everything <3.
HAPPY FATHERS DAY DADDY ! <3

Best i ever had ,

Wow , today was wow . I wasnt expecting to see him today . &when i did i just wanted to die :/ . Every time i see you, memories of us would pop up and i just start to hope you dont notice me or say anything to me but at the same time i want you to . :[ , its hard because youre my favorite past time . ugh , i just wish the type of friendship we have now isnt like this . :/ i wish it was better . You showed me a whole different world when it was us . You showed me a lot and taught me so much. its hard to forget something like that . The feelings i cant forget.. To me you were an important memory but what am i to you ? i just wanna know that . Sometimes i randomly question that cause you pop in my head every now and then . Im pretty sure you barely ever think of me only when you see me . :[ I hate this .. i want to say i hate you but i dont . i hate your actions . But past is past .. i need to stop looking at the past and focus on the present and the future that awaits me . :/ I just wish one day you would answer all these questions in my head .. even if those answers will hurt me more than you did that one day . i would still want to know .

Peeejay 2 !

this guy is the biggest dork <3

THE FUCK .

You know whatttttttttt , people can be full of bullshit . -.- BULLLLLL FUCKING SHIT . Dumb bitch . Seriously , people need to learn how to keep their word . Im speechless and tired of that bulll you always tell me . JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP & never say shit . EVER ! -.-

Boring summer days ,

Boring summer days feel like they last FOREVER ... until you come across videos like this on YOUTUBEEEEEE ! >;D I mean not to make fun of him he can sing its just the way he does it makes me laugh . :D




LMFAO LMFAO ! WATCH THE ENDING ! YOU HAVE TO WATCH THE ENDING !

its a bestfriend typa thing <3 ;

BEST FRIEND BEST FRIEND . it feels so FUCKING GOOD TO CALL SOMEONE THAT . <3 you dont know . When you have a true best friend you will know cause the feeling just hits you. The feeling is overwhelming . like i cant even explain . there arent words to explain my emotions towards my best friends <3 ima leave it to that . i love you guys ♥

Everyone is a hypocrite ,

&that includes my mother . Im also a hypocrite , everyone is , but seriously the BIGGEST hypocrites piss me off . Like the most stupid &biggest hypocrites just need to go die i swear . My mom comes in my room this morning and blabbers on about how im so materialistic and shit . LIKE WTFUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ! reality check mum , you are WAY MORE materialistic than i could ever be . You and your fancy car , diamond rings , diamond earrings , diamond necklace , expensive purses . EVERYTHING YOU HAVE IS LIKE MORE THAN 100 DOLLARS ! >< & YOURE CALLING ME MATERIALISTIC ? MUM , NOT EVEN CLOSE . &then she blabber on again and she takes my new purse i bought and goes over to my dad and says "youre daughter is such a hoe . she just bought another purse when she just got one ." (excuse me , this is like the SECOND PURSE i bought and i bought the other one like 3 months ago ! while you have 39458403953049854 purses) Mum i lvoe you but seriously DONT FUCKING CALL ME A HOE . &then she GOES through my purse and takes out my wallet . -.- LOOKS THROUGH MY MONEY ! THAT DRAWS THE LINE . niggah shit -.- . So many things my mother does that pisses me off . this is just one of them . I LOVE YOU TOO MOTHER , btw thanks for calling me a hoe when im nothing close to that . >:[

Listen to those words .

Listen to these lyrics from Aj's video .


why couldn't i just kiss those lips
i'd rather be rejected than regretting this
im tired of being afraid
i wish i coulda made
the choice to be the daring one in this relationship

i know were just friends but i want you to know
that i always think about being more
i guess i'll never know x2
how you feel
you got me wonderin'

i want you to be that somebody who
needs me just like how im needing you
but im just so scared
i could not prepare
for the moment when i looked you in the eyes

so i guess i'll just wait for that afternoon
we'll soak up the sun in the middle of june
i can't ask you to wait but you know that i can't stay
i'm a little too late
but you got me wonderin'

i'm holding on to this feeling i have
i've got it so bad i just cant shake it off
when will my mind just be clear
of this move i should've made
its killing me cuz kissing you
is what i wanna do

but now that youve got that somebody new
needs you just like how im needing you
i guess i'll fade away
and now my skies are gray
i'm a little too late
you've got me wonderin
This song i can honestly relate to in so MANY ways . &i thought i just would like to share with you guys . Havent you guys ever wanted someone so baddd but theres always SOMETHING that holds you back . Either , they already like someone , have someone , think you guys are just friends , they just dont like you at all , youre just too much of a big pussy to make a move , etc. my gosh, life is harsh . But , yeah .. so like im recently in a situation like Aj says in the beginning of his song . "why couldn't i just kiss those lips. i'd rather be rejected than regretting this. im tired of being afraid. i wish i coulda made the choice to be the daring one in this relationship. i know were just friends but i want you to know that i always think about being more. i guess i'll never know how you feel. you got me wonderin'" Like you guys dont even know . So many chances were given and im like "DO ITTTTT " BUT NOO . theres always a reason holding me back and everytime a chance is given the reason is different . >:[ Pretty lame if you ask me . Im stumped . Im usually really good at helping and giving advise with life and love and shit but i can never help myself >< . Guys confuse the shit out of me . :/ I gotta admit , when it comes to someone i like i become a big loser . I blush & turn super shy ... if i really like this guy and i like become a turtle and i hide in my shell . &im usually not like that . AHHH SHITTTTTT . D;

Peeejayyyyy ,

Okay , so this niggah Peeejay is the cutest guy in the WORLD . <3 Im glad we started to talk and stuff hah . Like everything you do is so adorable . &i just HAVE TO SHARE THIS WITH THE WORLD. Even though the video just says hi and stuff it was super cute and it made my day x) i LOVE YOU BESTFRIEND PEEJAY ! :)


↑ WHAT A DORK ! ♥

life is wonderful <3

Seriously , life has actually been going pretty good for me . <3 Im enjoying life and i decided not to worry . Ever since that talk with my best friend everything is all goood . :] Yeee , FUCK the BULLSHIT . (: Lets fucking live ! :D

Eww yuck yuck ,

You DISGUST ME . NASTY girls . Have some dignity ! PLEASE ! I feel sorry for you pathetic girls . Honestly tho, i really dont care because its your life and youre the one putting yourself into this stuff. HAHAHAHA , when i see girls like you walking around it makes me LAUGH . Girls like you dont go far and dont know where they are even heading towards . Get your shit straight and then tell people that youre smart , even if you have the brains you will still NEVER be smart you would have the potential, but never smart because any girl who goes around giving herself away is most certainly not smart just worthless and its sad . Tell me , why do girls do this ? Do they feel like the need more attention ? Do the feel like when they expose more skin theyll be more attractive ? Theyll get more guys that way ? Oh my . I may sound like a mom or something but i just open my eyes to the world and actually notice whats going on in this unrealistic and ridiculous world. Stop being pathetic , do everyone that one favor.

aweeee shucks ,

man , sometimes those memories pop in my head and i start to miss you so much . HA, those good days . Random phone calls , late night talks , long warm hugs , folded up pants , perverted ass jokes , just being you . omg , i miss you . i remember that very first day i met you, 3 years ago , your best friend came up to my best friend and whispered something into her ear. she then tells me "___ has a friend that thinks your cute." and im like O.O . i got all shy and shit , i mean i come on ! i wasnt even matching that day and i had no idea who you were xD then we were introduced . and it was cute cause you were also very shy. We ended up getting hella close and the type of bond we had NO ONE would understand . feb. came up , that i would say was our month. Everything happened then , your birthday , my birthday , that dance , that song , those words , those feelings , those calls , all brought me closer to you. So many chances were given and none were taken , but you still stuck by me through everything.

I dont need many words to explain you and how you made me feel . its simple; you ... are amazing . &i am a fool .

i hate you .

i am furious about being sick for so long . i am irritated that this medicine doesnt help much . i am annoyed of being stuck in this house . i am tired of coughing 39085204398502495 times a day . i WANT to MURDER SOMEONE . i hate viruses and bacteria . they make life so much harder then it is . when i cough i feel like ima cough up my guts . -.- its been tooo long that i have been sick and im going insane . stupid sickness , i HATE YOU and i have to tell the world . i EVEN TOLD MYSPACE .


YOU ASSHOLES DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE YOU. YOU GUYS CAN GO DIE . i STRONGLY MEAN IT ! >:O

sluts , hoes , whores ..

HAHA , im sorry that you have to call people names to make yourself feel better. just because i don't expose as much skin as you do everyday doesnt mean im a bitch or whatever . call me a hoe ? clearly youre blind. youre the one going around with super super low tank tops and small ass booty shorts or whatever . ugh , people are so stupid.. more like girls are so stupid . gosh . i just wanna put a big BIG extra LARGE sweatshirt on those slutly whores . haha , bitches have some dignity for yourself. didnt your mom ever teach you about self respect ? im sorry i have respect for myself and you dont. its pretty sad seeing girls at such a young age become total whores . i feel bad for the guys you girls will marry because by the time they get you , youll be infected with STDs HIV or some nasty shit like that; ew. You girls out there should be ashamed youre embarrassing yourself, your family, everyone around you. Open your fucking eyes before you end up getting raped or some shit .

how ive been missing you ..

its been about 5 months that you've been gone.. and 5 months left til i get to you see you again . You recently called a few days ago... and the sound of your voice sunk my heart because i can tell that youre unhappy by the tone of your voice. &I havent heard your voice for 5 months straight until that day. you didnt know how happy i was to hear you call me "asshole" again . You will never know how happy you made me when you told me you missed me. That was probably the first time in my whole life that i have ever heard you say that to me. Oh brother, how i miss you. I have so many things to tell you, i have so many questions to ask you, i need you to come back.. i need to tell you my problems so you can listen and help me. I wish you were able to call more often and talk longer. i wish youre able to come home sooner. i miss the way you bossed me around and called me names. i no longer feel like a little sister. i want to tell you i love you and have you respond "shut up monkey balls" i miss that. i want to hear you "try" to sing but then fail and sound like an elephant. i miss everything. and to think i would enjoy you being gone.. not at all. Please stay safe and come home soon brother. I would hate it to know that youre hurt while over in iraq. Stay strong. :/ The family misses you and loves you very much <3

Nights of the past ,

Oh my , don't I just miss those good ol days in the past . When it was the 4 of us. You guys don't know how much I miss those movie nights. Laying and sitting around with a cup of ramen noodle giggling and sharing stories. Being extra loud in the middle of the night not even caring who we woke up. Watching those scary movies and falling asleep on oneanothers shoulders . Those days brought us the closes and one day everything just stopped. Not even a warning was given . Geez when did it all stop ? Why did we all break apart ? We all went our own ways . Gosh if I could I would give up anyday for another one of those days. I miss you guys !

re-opened door ,

What a relief , i really thought my trust was just gonna disappear . BUT , i pulled you back into my life and look what you did ! You once again opened that door of trust , thank god . When i saw your name on my phone calling ... dangggggg . I was shock but also very happy ! I missed you like crazy . Not talking to a best friend that long , omg i dont even know how i lasted . When you opened up to me like you usually do , i knew then that your trust for me was still there . Cause you just OPENED UP like that with barely any thought to it <3 You know how that makes me feel ? GREAT ! FANTASTIC ! It reassures me that maybe there still is hope and thats all i was searching for . Thank you thank you thank you ! ♥

But then again , theres just that ONE thing that gets me wondering . Should i or shouldnt i ? :O

Losing a close friend ,

So tell me , how life without me ? Let me be honest with you , my life without you it's pretty calm and drama free , but you wanna know something ? I miss having you around . I miss hearing you complain to me about your stupid choices . I miss helping you with your over dramatic problems . I miss telling you that you're such an idiot . I mostly miss how you and I were just so close that when I needed to cry you were there and when you had to vent you came to me out of anyone else . But I can't do anything about it now . I was hoping you would have pulled me back and tell me that you wished I stayed in your life . I really miss that kid that always stood by my side and when I needed something you always offered to get it for me . Even when I just needed a hug you always offered to bus it to my house just to give me a hug to comfort me , you didn't care that you lived far away . You'd do it anyways . Because that's just the type of person you are when you talk to me anyways . Point is , i miss you and i told you it'll be hard to live without my special left hand <3

Have some manners ,

Omg I hate HATE people how don't have manners so fucking annoying . I mean come on how hard is it to say PLEASE ? Not so hard ! And seriously don't be a bitch when someone says no to something you demand ! News flash bitch , you're not the fucking ruler of the world ! Understand ? Don't be so demanding when a girl is on her fucking period . You're so annoying . Sometimes I just wanna slap you in the face and teach you some manners and I think it's funny how you complain about people who don't have manners. Well look who's talking . Hmph .

No longer ,

Tell me ... whats the definition of trust ? Honestly , i dont know if i can trust anyone anymore . There's a few people that have been there from the start but they're starting to fade away . Trust is slipping away from my vocabulary . I'm usually straight up and open but lately i've been hidden and isolated . What am i to do when i feel as if no one could understand me ? What am i to do when i begin to have second thoughts about EVERYONE and everything . I no longer have the urge to open up anymore , to anyone not a soul . I no longer hunger for my use to be best friends to come back to me . I realized they arent here for a reason , whatever that reason is , but as long as my truest friend stays that way . I wont need anyone but her .

Small , random thought .

Sometimes letting go sounds nice . Sometimes getting high sounds great . Sometimes not giving a care in the world and doing whatever sounds fantastic . But when you know you can't do that cause you're kinda like on lock down . Like when you know if you let go , things will be horrible . When you get high anything could happen , unless you lock yourself in a room with nothing dangerous inside . And for me its hard to not care . Hmm , lame .

choosing correctly .

Nowadays people just dont know when to act real and other people dont know how what group of people to stay close to and not to . Fucking sad , dont you think ? I know so . Stay with the right type of group so you dont get into stupid shit . No matter how many times i would tell you to fucking let it go you wont listen and im beginning to think you never will . Because youre just you . Youre indecisive , bipolar , and totally stubborn . The hell , you may be smart but not as smart as you think you are . One day youre gonna regret not listening to me , but its okay . Its not my problem and wont ever be . Hah , because i know the right group of people to hang out with .

Nothing lasts forever not even memories .

Sometimes its nice to sit back and reminisce the past but other times not so much . Its nice to think about all the good times you had and all the experiences you had with friends , family , etc . But when a good memory leads to a bad one.. dang then thats when all the memories you dont want to think about pop up and it just makes you want to isolate yourself from the world and drown yourself in tears . Thinking of the close friends you had , family members that arent there anymore , the relationship between you and someone else , a pet , anything pretty much even a tiny, tiny promise . what am i to do when every small thing reminds me of you . Reminds me that you were one of those few people i use to run to all the time and pour my heart out to ? But i can never depend on anyone to keep my whole life together for me because i know that slowly .. they all fade away . Many people have proven to me that forever doesnt last forever and yes , you are one of them . But only one person out of all of them matter most . That one persons action proved that forever is a lie and their actions mean so much to me . Yeah , you say that "its the past it doesnt mean anything anymore." maybe not to you , but to me it means alot . Because without a past , who the hell are you ? You can never erase the past because memories last the longest out of everything but not forever . You can forget all your memories but other people involved in those memories wont but soon they'll vanish . Remember those promises that involved forever ? Prove me wrong again and show me that something can last forever , but first , you have to tell me how long is forever to you ?

lefty ,

WOWWWWWWWW . i think thats helllaaaaa sad . you and me have been through the toughest of times and you end up letting this friendship go ? WOW . you know if you really want to let this go then fine . im done with your drama anyways . you are that one person that i put the most effort into BUT YOU DONT NOTICE . its funny how you think i treat you like shit compared to everyone else but noo thats not true . i treat you like i would treat my brother . i joke, you just need to stop taking it up the ass . from the start when i met you its been a crazy roller coaster but i decide to put up with it because i was determined. determined to change you into the better person i know you are . even your dad said he sees a change in you . but why is it that you have to get involved with the wrong people at the wrong time . youre ruining your life and its pissing me off cause i dont want to see you like this ! no one deserves to have a life like this even if they sinned many many times , but you are just making life worse . STOP BEING STUPID AND START THINKING ! because you can just go on life without me because i give up !

Unanswered questions ,

So many questions to ask . so many without answers unless you take the risk and try it . WELL , some questions cant even be answered by taking that risk . why cant i be a mind reader . so then im able to read whoevers mind whenever i want ? so then i will know what theyre thinking and hopefully i can find my answers then . just somtimes i question what if blank blank . if so , how would blank blank . >:O i know certain people read my blog and so i dont want to say anything that could reveal my thoughts D: . can someone answer this one question for me ? if you had something hidden from a close friend and you want to tell them but you know its gonna hurt them .. so you decide to keep it inside . does that mean youre a bad friend ? :|

thanks to you ,

where is the rain ? so i can hide my tears when i cry . where's the mountain hidden from the world? so i can scream til i lose my voice and no one would be able to hear . where's that girl that never let anything get to her ? the one that always kept her head high . the social girl that was always known for smiling all day every day . Cause it seems that ive lost her and somehow i cant remember when it happened or why she has just disappeared . maybe it was because she lost hope, lost interest , lost reason , lost herself . i never knew something , someone can change so much in little time possible . how can someone so confident and independent ever possibly just lose themselves like that when they have all these people behind them supporting them ? what ever happened to that promise she promised herself ? its crazy how interest in life just stops , but when that ONE person that truly matters speaks up and vents to you about how they feel about this situation ; it opens up a new door . every single word that person has spoken hits you so hard you begin to realize that youre still living because of that person and without them you'd be dead . how is it possible that a girl with a friend like that be able to lose reason to smile , live , and cherish .. Thanks to you , i want to find that girl again . i want to BE her once more . i want to be that same person that gave you a new point of view in life everytime we're together . i WANT to be your only best friend that you depend on . i want to that one girl youre proud to say " she's my best friend and i can always ALWAYS count on her no matter what situation were in ." Because i know for a fact , i can always say that about my best friend , Laura T. Nguyen <3

Remember , i love you best ♥

Small things do make a difference ,

This 5 lettter word , is just used to much . Does anyone know the meaning of it anymore ?! Whenever i hear that word i just want to smack the person who said it . SORRY . No , dont use that word over small things . dont use that word unless you really mean it . Everyday i hear that word come out from one person's mouth the most . Sorry this sorry that . tell me what being sorry means to you ! you and i both know that word is overused in your vocabulary . " IM SORRY IM SORRY ! I WONT DO IT AGAIN " ahhh , shut upppppp ! dont BS with me . im tired of that 5 letter word coming out of your mouth . im tired of hearing it . im tired of people over using that word . why cant you just say "oh my bad . or ooops " sorry isnt a word to just THROW out there ! please , please dont tell me love is also another word you throw out there and is over use in your vocabulary tooo . Cause if it is im done with you . im tired of these things youve been doing . Promise again , another word not to be thrown out . Dont say you promise unless you mean it . dont say youre sorry unless you sincerely are . dont tell me you love me unless you truly do .

Recently , an argument has popped up . You may think its stupid but to me , its not . it maybe a small thing to you but to me , its not . All the small things you do count the most . i dont need you to do BIG and OUTRAGEOUS things for me . that is not needed . the small things you do are the things that made me fall for you . Yes , corny but its true . When we're on the phone , of course i would want to hear your voice . of course i would like to have a conversation . When im with you OFCOURSE id like to spend time with you cos i barely get to see you , but im not gonna leave my best friends alone when i came wih them . I still can spend time with you with my best friends . You want alone time ? Then plan a date when its just the 2 of us . dont leave your friend by myself its not right . What you probably dont know is that , when we fight it may not seem like im missing you but i am . im missing you like crazy . i miss you as if i havent seen or heard from you in 3 years . i miss you like that when youre at work . im like dieing to talk to you when you get back . You wont ever know how much it hurts me when were fighting cause youd be too busy thinknig about how much pain youre in . but sometimes time apart is good . time to myself is good . but im always thinking about you . <3>

depressed teeen ?

OMG , ever had that certain day when everything is just going terrible ? :O . or maybe even like 4 days in a row?! THIS SUCKSS ! first on friday , my phone fell out and it cracked on the side . then the very next day it deletes alllll my contacts :[ . the day after that it just SHUTS OFF ! and now i cant see the screen or nothing :[ i can get calls but i cant answer them . omg , my phone is like the other half of my life and now its like my other half is DEAD. >< , and then today i went the whole school day without food . my tummy was killing me ! and its gonna take me FOREVER to save up for my itouch . gosh , FML ! im not a patient person .. -.- . ugh , and i barely got to talk to my boyfriend today . he went off to work . and he should be back by now but still no call . lol , lame . and i still got homework to do and everything . omg , idk how im gonna last next year with all honor classes . UGH . now , im just arguing with my best friend about how she should just shoooot me in the head . >< , she says im like a depressed teen . wellll , guess what BUDDY ?! I AM ! :[ . i need a life . damn .

A great lost

When you begin to get close to someone , they begin to become a part of you . and when you spend every moment with that one person you feel like nothing can come between you guys . but the day you least expect it that one person is gone . out of your sight and what you guys had was erased . but yet everyday you sit there thinking of the good times with them wondering what happen and why it did . sitting cluelessly when out of no where they pass by you and dont even bother notice you there even when you try to speak to them. thats when i shatter into pieces because i know for a fact that youve changed and ive lost you for good. its the vibe that destroys someone mentally.

i miss you .. best friend .