“We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness”

:( . I know i can be stubborn . its hard for me to open up . I just dont understand why youre putting me through this . i dont know anymore . i thought i knew what i was doing . i thought i knew how everything went . i thought i knew everything , but fuck i dont know shit . :/ i dont get it . Maybe it is just me . Maybe im the one that fucks up , i mean come on what havent i messed up for myself yet ? Now i sit here wide awake .. waiting .. waiting til the sun rises .. waiting for your answer . Trying to be tough and hold back the tears but its so difficult . Someone answer me .. What am i doing ? How did i get in this position ? Why did i mess up so bad ? I need someone to be a friend and comfort me . I need to scream , cry , and let my feelings out . I need to run . Run away from all my problems and fears . I need to get lost .

Everywhere i look , i see what they have that i dont . I want to have someone who will just be there for me when im down . Someone who will give up their sleeping time and stay up with me to just make sure im a little better than just okay . Someone that would just make me feel like i am wanted and im not all that much of a fuck up . Someone that sees me as me now than of me then . Someone who understands that people do change and hes sympathetic about my feeling too . Someone who knows when i lie about being okay when im terribly depressed/bothered/etc . Someone who can show me that true love is still out there . I want something like that couple that never lets anything get in their way &if anything tries to they're able to work it out together no matter how bad things get . &i thought you just couldve possibly have been the one , but you proved me wrong .. Looking at all these couples make me jealous . I want to be able to have something like that but somehow its not possible . I wished for it to last . I wished for it to be different . I wished a little too much . I need to snap back to reality .


*Can anyone point me in the direction where i will definitely find something real .. anything at all ?