Letter to the one that stuck around ,

Not being able to sleep , im up thinking about what happened and why i did what i did . I finally realized that i did treat you like shit and i always ran back to you after wards . Why ? because i knew i was wrong and you were the best . As much as i want to run back to you again , i will not because im going to save you from the pain . Im tired of fucking with your feelings . Its not like i meant to . I just want to take the time to tell you that everything you said was right about me regretting it and looking back saying that you were right about being the best . Im truly sorry that i wasnt able to see that then . Now that its too late i realize that im stupid and i dont know what the fuck im doing . I just need to get this feeling off my chest . Guilt is eating me alive . Im sorry for what happened in the past . Im sorry for breaking your heart . Im sorry for being me . Im sorry for even coming into your life . I fucked up . I shouldve done you a favor and stayed out of your life on that very month on the 11th day . It wouldve been better for you . And if i really could go back thats what i would change because looking back at it now makes me hate myself more than ever . Talking about how insensitive other people can be when i am exactly the same . Thats my problem , im too worried about getting my word out and speaking my mind about what i THINK is right and all that stuff . And im oblivious to what else is going on and how everyone else feels . But i just really wanted to take the time to tell you that this time i truly mean it and i hope you do read this . It maybe hard to believe considering all those times but really i mean it this time when i say sorry . I would give anything up just to relive one of those days of having that feeling of you tickling my heart &have it speak to me one more time , but im gonna stay away from your life and make sure i dont do anything to even get involved because itll be the best for you and i just want that because you do deserve that . You deserve the best of the best and clearly i am nothing close . But i do thank you for the memories and being able to have that feeling . I know a sorry wont make up shit but thats all i am able to do . You are amazing and im sorry for making you think otherwise . I am truly sorry .