End of summer ,

Its the last day of summer of 2009 . I woke up and laid in bed forever trying to think about what happened in these whole damn 3 months . I cant really get a clear view of everything but when i think about it i see that i have matured and changed during this summer . Met people that have impacted me &lost a couple people that were a part of me . I realized so many things this summer . I learned how to be a better person and i thought i learned how to stop caring as much but that was just me trying not to care but i did then i just lied . LMFAO . Learned the guitar and it has become a big part of me because whenever i need to get my mind off something i just need to grab the guitar . (; In the beginning of summer i saw that everyone changes by a hell of a lot . I am now able to tell whos real and whos just acting fake better than before . I am more independent and stronger but yet im still very sensitive . LMFAO . Still trying to work on that whole letting my feelings out more but im getting there . haha, but yeah . Amazing how summer passed by so fast ;O . But school is about to start soon and ima make a new blog for it . I think i blogged enough in this one ;D . haha ^^ .

Letter to the one that stuck around ,

Not being able to sleep , im up thinking about what happened and why i did what i did . I finally realized that i did treat you like shit and i always ran back to you after wards . Why ? because i knew i was wrong and you were the best . As much as i want to run back to you again , i will not because im going to save you from the pain . Im tired of fucking with your feelings . Its not like i meant to . I just want to take the time to tell you that everything you said was right about me regretting it and looking back saying that you were right about being the best . Im truly sorry that i wasnt able to see that then . Now that its too late i realize that im stupid and i dont know what the fuck im doing . I just need to get this feeling off my chest . Guilt is eating me alive . Im sorry for what happened in the past . Im sorry for breaking your heart . Im sorry for being me . Im sorry for even coming into your life . I fucked up . I shouldve done you a favor and stayed out of your life on that very month on the 11th day . It wouldve been better for you . And if i really could go back thats what i would change because looking back at it now makes me hate myself more than ever . Talking about how insensitive other people can be when i am exactly the same . Thats my problem , im too worried about getting my word out and speaking my mind about what i THINK is right and all that stuff . And im oblivious to what else is going on and how everyone else feels . But i just really wanted to take the time to tell you that this time i truly mean it and i hope you do read this . It maybe hard to believe considering all those times but really i mean it this time when i say sorry . I would give anything up just to relive one of those days of having that feeling of you tickling my heart &have it speak to me one more time , but im gonna stay away from your life and make sure i dont do anything to even get involved because itll be the best for you and i just want that because you do deserve that . You deserve the best of the best and clearly i am nothing close . But i do thank you for the memories and being able to have that feeling . I know a sorry wont make up shit but thats all i am able to do . You are amazing and im sorry for making you think otherwise . I am truly sorry .

“We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness”

:( . I know i can be stubborn . its hard for me to open up . I just dont understand why youre putting me through this . i dont know anymore . i thought i knew what i was doing . i thought i knew how everything went . i thought i knew everything , but fuck i dont know shit . :/ i dont get it . Maybe it is just me . Maybe im the one that fucks up , i mean come on what havent i messed up for myself yet ? Now i sit here wide awake .. waiting .. waiting til the sun rises .. waiting for your answer . Trying to be tough and hold back the tears but its so difficult . Someone answer me .. What am i doing ? How did i get in this position ? Why did i mess up so bad ? I need someone to be a friend and comfort me . I need to scream , cry , and let my feelings out . I need to run . Run away from all my problems and fears . I need to get lost .

Everywhere i look , i see what they have that i dont . I want to have someone who will just be there for me when im down . Someone who will give up their sleeping time and stay up with me to just make sure im a little better than just okay . Someone that would just make me feel like i am wanted and im not all that much of a fuck up . Someone that sees me as me now than of me then . Someone who understands that people do change and hes sympathetic about my feeling too . Someone who knows when i lie about being okay when im terribly depressed/bothered/etc . Someone who can show me that true love is still out there . I want something like that couple that never lets anything get in their way &if anything tries to they're able to work it out together no matter how bad things get . &i thought you just couldve possibly have been the one , but you proved me wrong .. Looking at all these couples make me jealous . I want to be able to have something like that but somehow its not possible . I wished for it to last . I wished for it to be different . I wished a little too much . I need to snap back to reality .


*Can anyone point me in the direction where i will definitely find something real .. anything at all ?

Hidden feelings ?

Well , you tell me to express mine why dont you ? You talk and act like nothing bothers you but stop lying to yourself . Everyone can see right through you . Youre not that slick . Youre pretty obvious . Im not gonna ask because you should be the one who just opens up and tells me . Im not gonna be the one who wonders and shit because its useless . Why waste time asking when i know you wont say it directly straight up or at all. Hah , theres nothing i really can say . Because if youre not gonna take the time and tell me even after ive asked you than i shouldnt care right ? Say all these negative and emo shit , but its your fault you feel this way . why dont you express yourself to them and then maybe itll be better . Instead of saying this stuff to the whole world . Get over it .

guilt ,

Same situation different position . FML , how is it possible that one person can give you so much guilt by not even saying a word to you or mentioning anything . Like it just happens . Guilty as charged . I know theres nothing i can do now cos its all over and crap but like its very difficult ima have to go on with this feeling of being so cruel and a terrible person . Damn get this fucking feeling off my chest ! I want to fix it but the way im thinking of is most definitely not going to happen because i will not let that be a possible solution . Not by me anyways .

ROFL ROFL .

What a genius song . xD I think its pretty funny and catchy . so DONT get the wrong impression lmfao . (:

Its the start of a new fairytale ,

Even tho its too soon i couldnt resist but say yes ! 081409 ; the start of our forever ! ♥ I hope this goes well (=

Butterflies are gonna eat up my tummy !

Oh my too soon to have butterflies ! >< . This is bad ! But i just cant help it . I havent really felt like this for awhile . Like its so nice to have someone there and tell you all these things and share stuff with you like he does . Im getting the butterfly feeling all the time now like is it too soon to say i like you ? I think so . :X ! But for now lets just say , its just a crush ! Two different things to me (: . I would say im interested but i think i got passed that stage already . But yes , i want to yell out to you that i have a tiny TINY CRUSH ON YOU ! >< But im going to keep that to myself because you probably dont feel the same and im too SCARED ! D; OMG OMG OMG . I feel like hyperventilating ! GAH .

♥

Lonesome ,

I feel so lonesome . :/ I miss those late night talks . I miss falling asleep on the phone with you . I miss giggling like a loser &arguing like stupid idiots . I miss those early text messages& missed calls . I miss you :[ . Gahhhhhh . How lame =( .

Wow me .

SHE IS AMAZING . (=
go watch her other videos shes very talented !!! ^^

The ending ,

Its around this time where everyone begins to crack and show their true colors . Its the feeling you get in your gut when you know its something bad . &when you hear what you need to hear its worse than you think . I honestly just dont know . Hearing these things ... wow . I dont know what to say back . I dont know how to make things better . How am i suppose to react to these type of things ? I wasnt ready . Im not prepared . Im blown away because im so shocked and lost . How i feel inside .. i cant explain , but i really do just want to cry . Because i feel the same way . I want to go back to how we were . How close we were and when we were able to call eachother best friends with no second thoughts or doubts or when we were even able to say the word best friend in the same sentence with our names . :[ Its hard to let years of friendship disappear like that. We were the best of friends .. what happen ? We seriously had the greatest memories . But we all know how you get along with everyone and you can trust more people than i am able too . Its easier for you to make friends you can really trust but for me its not that easy . Thats why i kinda always counted on you to be one of the fews . I just want to know that i can still call you my best friend and that i wont have a weird feeling when i need to talk to you . I really really miss those times more than anything . Not being able to say "hey best." its like ... hell . Weve been through so much . Its like losing a sister . :/ Ive held this feeling inside so long . &now that all of this is happening.. tears wont stop coming out >< . It sucks . Idk anymore ... :/ i just dont want this to be the end of our friendship . i miss you <|3

good feeling .

It feels good to help out :] . I love that feeling when you KNOW youve done something good. To like take off some stress of anothers life or something (: . But yeah today was fun . Hung with tina <3 . Went out to eat with the family . Ordered my color contacts . im excited to get them ! i hope i dont look like a freak with aqua eyes xD but yeahh . (:

Lose one thing and gain another ;

When you think youre so sure , everything turns around and crushes you . Im not gonna lie and say i was surprised it happen because im not surprised one bit . I had the strongest feeling that it would but i wanted to just ignore it . Now that it has happened i cant . Cant say that im really hurt like before .. because right now im not but i am hurt . I guess im so use to it , so use to being the one that gets left behind that it doesnt effect me that much . But in this situation i feel like i deserve to be the one that is left in the dust . I stepped into your life too soon, so pretty much i set myself up to be just the rebound or the one that gets left behind . Reason why i encouraged you to go back and give her that second chance . I feel like its the right thing to do because i know how much you like her and after this i probably wont ever feel like i did towards you again . Youre right it is confusing but its just part of life . Theres never a wrong or right as long as you do what you want then i will be happy for you , because i am that type of person who understands these sort of stuff . But her , i dont think shes there yet no offense but she doesnt see things they way i do . Honestly , i just want to step out right now and make it easier for you and i both, but like before but my heart wont move . I made you realize something today and you also made me realize a couple things too . I noticed that i have grown and became wiser from the last time this happened and its a good feeling . Also , i know for a fact that mentally , she will never be close to what i am and will become and you have that choice of which you'd rather choose . Maybe shes more your type . No one knows but you .

JennySuk JennySuk JennySuk ♥

OMG , i would go bisexual for this korean chick ! <3




♥♥♥♥♥



YES HOMO ! (=

Oh happy day ,

Im glad . Im happy that you told me how you felt . I am definitely thankful that youre the one who was brave enough to speak your mind about whats going on because if you didnt my head would explode . It surprised me that you noticed we have that type of special bond , i thought i was the only one that noticed . But i guess not (= . To feel this way again makes me want to run around and yell with joy because i missed this part of my past oh so much and now its BACK IN MY LIFE <3 . Oh thank god ! (; .

No one cares ,

Keep spamming that stuff on myspace and shit but no one cares . Keep telling people how emo and depressed you are but truth is no one cares . Keep being bipolar and changing your shit but NO ONE will care . So just stop spamming that stuff and crap . I mean if ANYONE even cared they would have already asked and then you could feel better after venting to them so then you will no longer have to keep telling the world about that shit when no one cares . This is why you go get a blog and whoever wants to read how emo and depressed you are theyll go read the blog . I mean if i posted all that crap i have on my blog on myspace im sure that everyone would be like "STFUUU . NO ONE CARES !" because its just the truth . -__- , so leave your lame shit for someone who cares .

Somebodys baby ,

she's probably somebody's only light
gotta shine tonight
ooh, she's gonna be somebody's baby tonight
i like the way she's makin me feel inside
i can't deny she's beautiful
she's walkin right and talkin right
this girl is so fly
she's just so unbelievable
but a girl like that would be
too far outta my league
she's gotta be someone's baby
can't be with me
oh, what i'd give to say that she was mine (all mine)
what if she's not somebody's baby give me a sign
(i'm hopeless baby, help me baby, give me a sign)
maybe i'm plain crazy
she's too good for me
she'd never be my baby
why can't i see

Hes probably somebodys only light . adfmyslkl donlysdfk plighthdfglij fbutsdgfs ryetloisjk fhesdjfhsk udoesntlmoij yknowfkjsds. :(

Devastated ,

To hear you vent to me about these things hurt me because i dont want to hear you talk about someone else . I dont want to know how they made you feel . It makes me feel like i was just one of those other girls .. I hate being just one of those girls . You say you know how i feel but honestly you have no idea . :/ I want to tell you what im feeling now .. but it wont make a difference . Its not me that you want . What am i suppose to do ? Fuck . :(

“Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.”

Judging people just by what you think they are because of the way they look is never right . Ive been there done that . Many people judge me by what they thought/heard/assumed that ive done . And yes it happens often . I admit i have a lot who hate me . Why? because they dont take the time to get to know me& understand where i am coming from . Actions ive made in the past may have been something others didnt like and they probably got the wrong impression . But really what makes you think that what i did before i was proud of or maybe i did it for a reason right ? People underestimate me . Im a very misunderstood person . No one knows why i do the things i do , unless youre a close friend . I may mistreat someone very close and dear to me but what gives you the right to tell me thats wrong ? I would only do that to make them become a better person and yes thats the way i do things . Its called tough love . You guys probably wouldnt understand unless you were raised or you see the world like i do . I am my own person . I do the things that i do that i think is right and to you it may be wrong , but i make my own choices and have my own opinions. If you have the need to call me all these names and what not then shooot . Whatever you want to call me because of what you think of me it will not hurt me . Because i know why im doing the things im doing and i do it for a certain reason . I was not raised to make everyones life miserable . My parents raised me to be the bigger person and take the lead . I shall do whatever i can to prove my point . So judging me and spreading rumors will not make me change who i am . Judge people all you want , but you will never know what lies beneath what you see . Plus , you might be missing out on something that can impact your life in a fantastic way.

rant on biters ,

Hey posers . I hate people how cant have their on originality . Its so annoying . Like helllooooooo , theres only one of me and ITS ME ! Stop trying to copy what other people do because what they do theyre best at and dont try to attempt cause YOU WILL NEVER be as good and youll just look stupid . People need to learn how to find their own personality nowadays . its so sad how many people would copy you and then act as if theyre totally legit . Oh bitch please , who do you think youre fooling . Im not stupid understand ? Dont underestimate me . Dont try to be someone you barely know . Stop biting other people and become your own person . Its alright to copy other people maybe like once or twice cause im sure everyone has before but to continuously bite off others? Really ? Thats just sad . Dont try to act like someone else so other people can like you. Thats the most idiotic thing you can do . Whoever tries to act like someone else is gay . They should not be associated to because theyre all lame and gay . YOU ARE LAME AND GAY . YES YOU . (=< Thank you for your time bitchh .


P.S. Get your OWN life faggot . -__-

i woke up and realized the people who walked out of my life arent here now because i dont need them . &the ones that are still here , i need them . i may have wanted some people to stay around but not anymore . Im happy with the people i have now (= .

sorry if that didnt make sense im super tired lmfao ^o^